Monday, September 21, 2009

Motivational Monday

Motivational Monday
Every feel like your chasing the wind; you know its there but you cant see it; with the wind its not about what you can see but what you can feel. It is what comes from our heart that motivates and drives us towards our destiny. Just because you may not see it now; doesnt mean its not there, doesnt mean its not real or obtainable. Just like the wind you feel it. The feeling is what makes your dreams real and the courage to continue to chase after it even though you cant see it; is what makes it obtainable.

Keep chasing the wind; keep feeling it; the more you feel the more you desire and the more you desire the more you make moves towards the wind.

Whatever your wind is metaphorically speaking; DONT GIVE UP, ITS COMING AND IT'S THERE.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

During my Surgery

Im sitting here in pain and it is very difficult to type right now but I must confess how powerful God is. On Tuesday September 15, 2009 I had a tumor removed; I was diagnosed a few months ago with Dermofibrosarcoma Protuberans commonly referred to as DSFP; its a rare Cancer that comes in the Muscle and Bones. Well, on Tuesday I stayed in the OR for 8 hours; I went through 3 surgeries within that time to remove the Tumor' in order to remove it good tissue surrounding had to be removed to; each time I went under the knife; each piece was sent to the Lab to determine if all the Cancer was removed; well it took three tries to remove the Cancer and on the Third try, the lab report showed no more Cancer Tissue.

While I was in that OR, all I could manage to think about was God; I talked to God; I didnt say much but I recall saying God I need your help to get through this; this is painful, give me strength; I remember this because at one point I FELT MYSELF BEING CUT ON. I also remember lifting my hand up in reverance to God; all I could do to keep from screaming was just think of him; say the name of Jesus, i had nothing particular to say i was in so much pain but i know that God knew what exactly eachword i did utter meant and after the third time the doctor came in to cut me; i said Lord please let that be it, no more, I cant no more.

And God answered my prayer because the Doctors returned and this time it was too close me up with stitches; I layed there as the Doctor put three layers of stitches in me and all I could do is Thank God for giving me that moment of peace; I was in pain but I knew that God knew that it was all I could bear.

God said that he would not put on us more than we can bear; I love God,we must remember that every experience in life is not to break us but to strengthen us; God is always our present help and if you cant managed to say much just call his name he will know the rest; he knows; he's there and he loves us all.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Silver Cloud(journey before surgery/today's reflections on Cancer)

Silver clouds embrace my daytime thoughts
constant horns blowing in my head
reminders of what to do, what not to do

If I embrace what reality speaks'
does that mean I have given up
friends have misperceptions
as if Im not supose to not feel well

Alien has taken over my body
trying to live here for good
but Im not having it

Doctor says its this and its that
God says I got that and that

Who do I believe????
Should I listen to the crowd
Should I hide away until its over
should I reveal that sometimes the pain
is too much

What would you do?
If silver clouds sat on your good thoughts
and drench them with smog

Clueless; weather man says skies are clear
but my thoughts arent
at least not today

But I'll be back tomorrow
and maybe me an this foreigner living
in my body will be friends by then

or maybe we will be at war again

What do you believe?

Reflections on Cancer, Surgery and God.

Well next Tuesday is Surgery. I have to be at the Cancer specialist Center at 7:30 for surgery. Arghhhhhhhhhhh! I am really trying hard to stay calm about this; I have already prayed about and there is no need to keep praying about it because God heard me the first time and I know he answer prayers and I do believe that whatever his wil; it will be done and its perfect. I must admit; I do have my thoughts and I have prepared my Mom for whatever happens; she thinks Im insane, but I rather be in order than out of order. Life is such an unstoppable blessing that has many twist and turns at every scene; I never imagine I would be right in the position I am in. My mom always said "If you live long enough, you will go through somethings". She was so right; but I know that God says that he will not put more on me than I can bear; so this must be something that I can bear. I realize you have to go through to come out on the otherside; so I am willing to go through to come out. So, I will keep you updated. I am going to post my reflections everyday up until Tuesday. I feel like writing, maybe some poetry, maybe some inspirattional, but I want to immortalize my feelings in memory of my encounter with DFSP(rare Cancer)because when I leave the hospital I am leaving Cancer free, Amen to that.